The decision has been made...

So, I've been praying all day today and yesterday, trying to put into perspective my daughter's health. I hate that she is growing so slowly. It kills me. I had prayed from the time even Mia was a baby and I had to stop nursing her at 4 weeks, that my next baby would be able to nurse much longer. I was so excited when Eisley was doing well nursing. She may have been a slow eater, but she was doing great and my milk supply was great. So, it pains me to think of having to quit. I wish I had all the answers. I wish I knew what the problem was, and why she is not gaining weight more rapidly. But we have tried so many things this past month, in regards to nursing. Isn't Satan is so crafty. Any mom in my position will tell the pain it is to have to think about all this. It breaks my heart to think about stopping. I know it is for her best interest. If she is fed formula only, she will be sure to gain the weight she needs, and then some. But, Satan is so good to twist that around. He is so good at making you feel like you failed, or that something is wrong with you and your God-given ability to feed your child. It hurts really. But as I was praying today, and seeking the Lord on what would be best for my baby, He so kindly, so gently reminded me of just that. What is best for my daughter? She needs to gain weight, that is the answer. And for some reason, whether it is something with my milk production or that she is not getting enough of the hind milk, the issue is not about me. Its about what is best for her. I will admit, nursing has been such a selfish desire of mine from the moment I found out I was pregnant again. I longed for it. I should be happy with the almost 4 months I was able to nurse this time, and look forward to the even longer time with a third child (many years from now.). Therefore, I have decided to put my selfish desires aside (although I do believe it is a God-given, perfectly innocent selfish desire, a good selfishness.) for the sake of getting my daughter some weight on her. Its hard. I've been mourning it off and on today, and getting emotional about it. But I think I just need a good time to come to grips with it, and then I'll be good. I did the same thing with Mia, so I know it will be good. It really hit me harder when I talked to the lactation consultant and she told me that I could just take some Sudafed and dry up very quickly. I had planned on it taking at least a week to slowly wean her off less painfully, so to know I could be done tomorrow, killed me. I'm not that ready. My so sweet and supportive husband was so great to encourage me that I could still slowly wean her if I wanted, if thats what I needed to let go. Thank you Jody for telling me that. So, thats what I will do. I will take it slow, and just wean her gradually, for my sake. I am so excited to see my baby grow, and will also be anxious to share that with you all as well.