Let the little children come to Me....

"Let the children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14

I love my daughter Mia. She has the sweetest and purest heart. Jody and I try to live our lives both in our home and away that is very real. We like it when people are real with us, so we too make sure to be real with others. The same is true for our spiritual lives. We long to see the day that our daughters choose on their own will to follow Jesus Christ. But for the time being, it is our soul responsibility to teach them daily what it means to love the Lord. We also love to teach them the things of the Spirit, as we too are learning.

I love it when I hear Mia in her room singing "You are Ho-ly, You are Ho-ly,..." along with her CD player. (It has to be very similar to the sounds the angels are singing at this same time.) When no one is even around, she is just singing, and sometimes even dancing to the worship music. Even more than this, I love it that she is learning that the Lord is our Healer. We have always shown Mia how to pray, but it seems like recently she is really picking up on it. We have seen a lot of sickness lately in our family, with this cold that is going around, so we have had many opportunities to pray. But the best part, is now, Mia simply does it on her own. If we mention that someone is sick, she immediately says, "lets pray for them." So we tell her she can, and she just says the simplest prayer for healing.

She even prays for herself. The other day she was coughing, which she is now getting rid of, and she immediately said, "Jesus, take my cough away, A-MEN." She immediate then replied, "Mommy, my cough is all better now." Another example is the other day when Eisley was spitting up (which is all too frequent) Mia said, "Jesus, take Eisley's spit up away, Amen." Then, immediately, again, she says, "She's all better mommy, Jesus fixed her spit-up." Every time, this is how she responds after her prayer. I love it. This must have been what Jesus was talking about when He he mentioned having "child-like faith." Its that easy to Mia. You pray. Jesus heals. Why do we as adults put so much more into it. I long to have the faith that my own child has. Jesus is our healer, and I love that my daughter is growing up to know that truth too.

So here are some pictures of my sweet Mia. Our friend Bethany is going to school for photography, so she asked to take some pictures of Mia for her class. She did a great job!

I love winter thunderstorms...

It is raining here in Amarillo. I love a good thunderstorm in the winter. It makes me want to just cuddle up on the couch, with a fire in the fireplace, and watch a good movie. But since that is not a reality for me right now, since I just picked Mia up from Mother's Day Out, then I thought I should just post some wintery pictures. Stay warm!

Good news, Bad news...

Well, the bad news is that I have two sick babies at our house. Both Mia and Eisley have bronchialitis. This just means that they both have a bad cough, runny noses, and Mia has a sore throat. Mia also has an ear infection in her left ear. Eisley was just starting to get the cough and runny nose this weekend, so I thought I'd take her in too. Plus, I was just anxious to weigh her. Which brings us to the good news...Eisley officially weighs 9.8 pounds (which is about 9 pounds 13 ounces). Which is exactly a pound more than she did last Monday! This is amazing. This means she gained 2 ounces a day, which is double what the dr wanted to see! Praise the Lord. It also made me so happy to know that she was only on half formula half my stored breastmilk all day tuesday through friday. Which makes me realize that it truly was probably a problem with her getting to the hind milk rather than a problem with my milk. Good to know next time around. So, needless to say, we are pumped! We are close to finally being out of newborn diapers. She goes in for her 4 month appointment a week from Thursday, so hopefully by then she will be weighing more than 11 pounds!!! Praise the Lord! Oh, and one more thing, Eisley giggled for the first time last week on Valentines Day for who else, but her daddy! Its the most amazing sound ever!

The unexpected...

So, I am slowly coming to the realization that things don't always go the way I think they will. Let me explain.

1.) We were surprised to find out, almost a year ago now, that we would be having another sweet baby. (few tears shed by me only for a few days after we found out.)
2.) We then found out on Oct 23rd (2 weeks before my due date) that my sweet baby was breech, and I was dilated to a 5. Therefore, it was imperative that I have a c-section the next day. I never expected to have to have a c-section. The thought never crossed my mind. (more tears shed by me.)
3.) At around 2 1/2 months of age, we discover that Eisley had lost weight, and we needed to start supplementing feedings with formula. (again, more tears.) I thought nursing was going so much better than with Mia, so this killed me to not know what the issue was.
4.) At 3 1/2 months of age, Eisley was gaining weight, slowly though, so I had a decision to make. I began praying very hard as to whether to continue nursing and supplementing (now with more concentrated formula) or just quit nursing all together and allow her to be on full formula to gain weight quickly. I decided I would do this. I was going to wean her off gently so that it was less painful both physically and emotionally on me. (again, many, many tears.)
5.) The same day of this decision, Eisley took it upon herself to wean herself by not wanting to nurse at all. (she had done this once before when we initially started supplementing. The lactation consultant said that babies are very smart and know where they are getting the most full. We persevered through that time initially, and she began nursing and taking a bottle again.) But this time, knowing I was going to be weaning her, I decided to let it be, and just suffer through the pain of quitting "cold turkey." (Once again, many tears shed because I didn't have the week long good-bye to nursing like I had planned.) Oh well.

All to say, things don't necessarily go the way I expect, and I will cry about it. But I am learning to praise the Lord for successes, rather than get too bothered by things that don't go like I plan. Not that my expectations were bad at all. They were completely innocent, and good expectations. But I just won't allow Satan to rule my emotions. I mourned my losses, the loss of a natural delivery and the loss of a year of nursing my sweet baby, but I now move on. I move on to a healthy, quickly growing baby girl. Formula is easy, and convenient, so thats nice. I do know now, that someday with our third baby we can watch growth more quickly, and hopefully he/she will be a much aggressive eater so that he can attain the hind milk. Its all good now. I still get a little sad when I think about it, but really, I'm good. I will say one thing, cabbage leaves definitely help a girl who is quitting nursing "cold turkey" as strange as it sounds! :) Bring on the weight Eisley!!!

The decision has been made...

So, I've been praying all day today and yesterday, trying to put into perspective my daughter's health. I hate that she is growing so slowly. It kills me. I had prayed from the time even Mia was a baby and I had to stop nursing her at 4 weeks, that my next baby would be able to nurse much longer. I was so excited when Eisley was doing well nursing. She may have been a slow eater, but she was doing great and my milk supply was great. So, it pains me to think of having to quit. I wish I had all the answers. I wish I knew what the problem was, and why she is not gaining weight more rapidly. But we have tried so many things this past month, in regards to nursing. Isn't Satan is so crafty. Any mom in my position will tell the pain it is to have to think about all this. It breaks my heart to think about stopping. I know it is for her best interest. If she is fed formula only, she will be sure to gain the weight she needs, and then some. But, Satan is so good to twist that around. He is so good at making you feel like you failed, or that something is wrong with you and your God-given ability to feed your child. It hurts really. But as I was praying today, and seeking the Lord on what would be best for my baby, He so kindly, so gently reminded me of just that. What is best for my daughter? She needs to gain weight, that is the answer. And for some reason, whether it is something with my milk production or that she is not getting enough of the hind milk, the issue is not about me. Its about what is best for her. I will admit, nursing has been such a selfish desire of mine from the moment I found out I was pregnant again. I longed for it. I should be happy with the almost 4 months I was able to nurse this time, and look forward to the even longer time with a third child (many years from now.). Therefore, I have decided to put my selfish desires aside (although I do believe it is a God-given, perfectly innocent selfish desire, a good selfishness.) for the sake of getting my daughter some weight on her. Its hard. I've been mourning it off and on today, and getting emotional about it. But I think I just need a good time to come to grips with it, and then I'll be good. I did the same thing with Mia, so I know it will be good. It really hit me harder when I talked to the lactation consultant and she told me that I could just take some Sudafed and dry up very quickly. I had planned on it taking at least a week to slowly wean her off less painfully, so to know I could be done tomorrow, killed me. I'm not that ready. My so sweet and supportive husband was so great to encourage me that I could still slowly wean her if I wanted, if thats what I needed to let go. Thank you Jody for telling me that. So, thats what I will do. I will take it slow, and just wean her gradually, for my sake. I am so excited to see my baby grow, and will also be anxious to share that with you all as well.

Dr. apt today...

Yes, so we went to the dr again today for Eisley's weight check. She now weighs 8.8 pounds, which is around 8 pounds 13 ounces. So, needless to say, she gained a half an ounce a day for the past two weeks. Our dr seemed very positive about that. She originally said that she is looking for Eisley to gain 1/2 to 1 ounce a day. So, therefore, I was hoping and praying for the one ounce a day, and so I was disappointed. But I am just very pleased that the pediatrician was very pleased with the weight gain. And since her opinion is the only one that really matters in this, then I too should be pleased. The only changes we are going to make now is we are going to concentrate the formula a little more. This means that the powder to water ratio will be increased to make for more calories. I will continue to nurse and supplement with formula after all feedings except the morning one. So, we will see what happens. I continue to pray daily for increased weight gain for her. Its hard sometimes to see her be so small. I am learning a lot though. I am learning that my job, as a mom, is to simply pray for my girls, because their health is out of my hands. Don't get me wrong, it is hard many times when strangers in stores ask me the same things all the time. This is how conversations with strangers usually go..."oh, wow, what a tiny baby." "boy?or girl?" (Even though her carrier, clothes, and blankets are covered in pink.) "oh, wow, she's so little." "oh, was she a preemie?" "no? oh wow, she just so small." Sometimes I want to yell "I KNOW! Mind your own business!!!" But, when I realize that would not be too polite, I simply control myself and say, "yes, she sure is." I am just learning to be okay with her weight. Jody was such a small baby too, and look at him now. Eisley may just take after her daddy even more that just her mere appearance. Now, I don't want anyone to feel bad if they have ever talked to me about how small she is, I'm dealing with it, really. And I don't hold grudges too long. :) Well, I continue to thank each of you for your prayers. She really is doing well. If we weren't having to play "catch-up" since she lost weight in December, it wouldn't be such an issue. We go back to the dr in two weeks for her 4 month appointment, so once again, we will do all we can to pack on the pounds for the next two weeks.

Pictures

Since I don't have anything new to say really, I decided maybe just posting some new pictures would be good.
My wonderful in-laws gave Mia and Eisley matching Childress Bobcat shirts in the fall. I really do love them. Mia wears hers all the time. All we need now is matching Amarillo High Sandies shirts. We'll work on that.

Eisley is getting so long, and is apparently upset with me in this picture. :) I can't wait to find out how much she weighs. She goes to the doctor on Monday for a weight check, so hopefully she is around 9 1/2 pounds.

Mia loves her baby sister so much. She is always talking to Eisley and playing with her as if they were the same age. Eisley ALWAYS looks at Mia intently when Mia is talking. I love this picture.

I took this picture of Eisley today. I love the boppy! Just exercising those neck muscles! :)